One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
