Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
