Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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