i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
