OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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