i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
