hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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