I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Randomize
