I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
