Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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