He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
