Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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