would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
