the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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