I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
