If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
