Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
