Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He keeps bees of course he's weird
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
