There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
