he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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