i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
