Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
