You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
