Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
