I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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