Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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