I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
