All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
