She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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