it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my sisters under your porch take her home
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
