the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she told me i tasted like america
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
