I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
