if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
