HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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