we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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