It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
