grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
