we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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