I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
