Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
