You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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