the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dear god my vagina.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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