I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
