matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
True strength comes from lack of pants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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