she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
the raccoons are back...
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