I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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