oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
