why didn't you poke me back
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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