i just sent this text using only my big toe
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
