Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
