phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
