There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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