dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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