Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
