Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
