when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
