I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
