I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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