I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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