it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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