Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
