We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
