He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
